Dear Kate,

Today you are 5 months old! I want you to know that on this day I feel joy and heartbreak. I feel joy that you are healthy and growing every day and we take great comfort in hearing nothing but the highest praise of foster families in Taiwan from those adoptive families who have already traveled. I don't think I can adequately express how indebted I feel toward this unknown woman half-a-world away who is lovingly caring for you while we sit here and wait for the threads of bureaucracy to untangle themselves so we can bring you home. I am also grateful that you are having this time in your birth country to soak up all the sights, sounds, smells and energy of the land where you were born. I hope you will always carry those impressions with you on some level and you will feel a sense of the familiar when we return to visit Taiwan in years to come. On the other hand, I am gripped by utter heartbreak at having already missed 5 months of your life; five months worth of smiles, tears, feedings, cleanings, changes, cuddles, kisses, spit-ups, sit-ups and all the facial expressions and personality traits that are you. I long to hold you, to breathe you in and know you for the unique individual that you are. Even though you are not with us now I want you to know that thoughts of you consume our day. Your daddy, your brothers and I talk about you constantly and you are always right here with us in our hearts. The waiting is so hard, our family just feels incomplete without you here. I hope this day finds you happy and well. I dream of the day in the not too distant future that we can be with you everyday. We love you baby girl!